How to Not Make Your Flight

In theory, of course, when you’re lucky enough to make it despite the odds.

1. Load your itinerary with last minute things.

2. Go on a run and discover trails that beg to be explored, no matter how long it takes.

3. Leave an hour later than planned because relaxing showers in summer are irresistible.

4. Decide on a rooftop lunch of Chinese takeout.

5. Follow up lunch with an impromptu rooftop photoshoot.

6. Rush to the mountaintop gondola. Become mesmerized with the painted elephant statues on display outside the station. Lose track of time.

7. Arrive at the mountain top. Flight: T-110 minutes.

8. Run. Run! To the Giant Buddha statue. Spend too long admiring. Run! Back to the gondola.

9. Begin the descent. Make use of the center pole to take sky high pole dancing photos. Worry your gondola companions. Flight: T-70 minutes.

10. Jump out the gondola the second the doors open. Push aside glacially slow tourists to arrive at the station. Run to transfer, freak out at the time. Is this even the correct direction? Pray silently the train is going to the airport. Flight: T-25 minutes.

11. Arrive frantically searching for gate information to discover none. Feel the tears welling up. Accost an airline attendant. Breeze through security.

12. Run through the terminal past fast food stops all the way to gate. See the long line of boarding passengers. Flight: T-15 minutes.

13. Press luck farther by running back away from the gate toward a souvenir shop. Stock up on trinkets, beg the cashier to stop being so slow. Flight: T-7 minutes.

14. Sweatily arrive at the gate, again. Walk onto the plane like a champ.

 

 

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